


Wearing Down the Gears

by GhostCwtch



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Anxiety, Gen, Nightmares, PTSD, Self Harm, Tony's brain is not kind to Tony, Yinsen tries to help, check the notes for more details in regards to that tag, discussion of skin crawling feelings?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-15
Updated: 2014-05-15
Packaged: 2018-01-24 22:46:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1619714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GhostCwtch/pseuds/GhostCwtch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everything will be better once they're out of this cave, if only Tony's brain will let him survive that long.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wearing Down the Gears

**Author's Note:**

> The "skin crawling" tag is referring to Tony feeling like things are crawling on him and scratching himself to the point of self harm in distress over the same. If this is something likely to trigger anxiety or similar feelings in yourself, I would caution when reading. This fic is meant to be a character study of how I think Tony's over active mind might have handled the "down time" parts of his months in Afghanistan and he does not handle them with suave aplomb.

The worst part about Afghanistan, well okay, not _the_ worst part but pretty freaking high on the list. The worst part about Afghanistan is that he is trapped in this one room in a freaking cave and the only computer is from what appears to be the mid 1990s he can't even tell because that's how _long_ it has been since he's seen one this old, and Tony is about to rattle apart right out of his skin.

 

There is a reason that his reputation is what it is. Those wild parties lasting well into the night and the caffeine fuelled days of inventing tech beyond what anyone else dares to even dream about, plus about twelve side projects running in the background; it all has a purpose. And here in the world's sand box, and seriously he's in a cave it should just be rocks, surely, why and where has all this sand _come_ from? But here in this sandy fucking cave, there is only Yinsen and him and their plan and it has been months, _months,_ and Tony is losing his mind.

 

He doesn't think that the guards have noticed yet. It'd be hard to pick out the difference between what they've done to him and what he's done to himself unless they were really looking for it. Yinsen has been looking though, watching out for him, and has noticed that Tony is getting less and less sleep and is losing weight at a rate that he can't sustain for long. Has noticed the raw patches on his arms where he's felt like rats and insects and all manner of things are crawling on him and he just can't stop scratching until they're gone, until they leave him alone, and his poor dehydrated skin can't take it and gives up long before his imaginary terrors. Or his real ones. 

 

The nights when he does manage to fall asleep are worse, where he's drowning and drowning and the crawling things are in his eyes and mouth and throat, carried there by the sparks from the shorting car battery and he wakes up, lunging free of the cot to fall to the sandy floor and gasp and clutch at his chest to remind himself that they mostly leave him alone now. That he agreed to build for them and they haven't caught on to the plan and that he is  _not broken_. Not yet.

 

It's just that his brain will not _shut up_. It just goes and goes, an efficient stream lined machine and even with the arc reactor to power his body, it just can't keep up. His whole world is an endless time lag between the ideas hitting his consciousness and being able to translate them into words and blueprints and patent designs that other _slower_ people can understand and at home he has his holograms and JARVIS and the bots and it's almost enough, the reduction in the time it takes to get the ideas out of his head. Here he's reduced to pencil and paper, a more or less literal  _caveman_ , and it's like having a supernova in his skull and it's burning him when he's awake and he drowns in his sleep and his skin is fucking  _crawling_.

 

And when he's at home and has so many projects and so much to do and so many wonderful distractions, it's more or less okay. He can even almost have a break here and there when he's had enough booze or sex or has just managed to spin his mind down into as close to quiet as it gets. 

 

He doesn't even notice that he's started scratching at his arms again until Yinsen gently takes hold of his hands and pulls them away, cradled in his own, another person trying to help and save him from himself. When they get out of here, and they will, they have to, Tony is going to give Yinsen the best job at Stark Industries. He's going to set Yinsen and his whole family up in California with him and make sure they never want for anything, never fear for their lives again, and he's going to get Yinsen to help him turn Stark Industries around, get out of the weapons business. It's going to be great, they have a plan, it's just going to take a little bit longer and okay, his brain is going and going and it's starting to burn him out but he can take it, Yinsen will help him and they'll both get out.

 

They'll both get out and things will be better.

 


End file.
